In a conversation on Facebook this evening, the subject of how supportive, caring, loving and helpful our spouses or significant others are to us. I made the comment that they are the unsung hero’s of migraine disease. It just hit me smack between the eye’s how true that statement was and I knew that I must write a post about it tonight! It was just too important to wait until tomorrow.
I often speak of my husbands unwavering support, in the 17 years of daily chronic migraine and fibromyalgia. My baseline pain level is a two everyday for migraine, that is a really great day! When I’m in a status or an intractable migraine, the fibromyalgia always flares up to join the party.
When I’m in one of these cycles, this is the time I have to retreat to my cave. Away from the over stimulation of lights, sounds and smells. I also tend to get moody and crabby during this time and it is not at all fair to take that out on my husband. My cave is a retreat, calm, cool, and safe.
I’ve said before that I really don’t like to talk about the negative side of migraine, but for post it is necessary. This year has been a struggle unlike any I’ve had before, making it a necessity to spend the bulk of my time in my cave. During this time, never once has my husband complained or made me feel guilty, about having to do so. He just pitched in and did what needed to be done, from cooking to doing the laundry. He is a terrific cook, king of the grill, and I really love watching him look for recipes on Pinterest, because he enjoys doing it so! He is my Rock and I appreciate him more than he will ever know, even though I tell him so all the time!
I know many other migraineurs who have special spouses or significant others, who are there for them. Maybe not in exactly the same way, because they have full-time jobs, were my husband is retired. But they are still there, they stuck, they didn’t ditch when the going got tough. They gathered strength and their bond got stronger! These are the unsung hero’s of migraine disease, if you have one of these hero’s make sure they know how much you appreciate what they do. Because they can be rare.
“A true hero isn’t measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart” Hercules
Live with hope,
Roni
This leaves me almost in tears. I’m so glad that you told us more about Rick and the support and love that he provides. And, he COOKS!
I too am incredibly lucky to be married to a supportive, caring, and noncomplaining spouse. He says the most encouraging things to me. I don’t know that I would have the same patience with a spouse with a chronic illness; and I hope that I never have to find out. My husband also did the majority of the tough part of parenting a child with many physical and mental health issues. I handled logistics, medical, schooling, etc., but he did the hard part of handling breakdowns, playing endless games, helping with homework, and traveling with Max all of those years that he was competing in equestrian events.
One area that you didn’t touch on is what chronic illness does to intimacy. I feel guilty about this part of our marriage. I took that part of our lives for granted before I got sick five years ago and now wish that I had made the most of that time. Perhaps you’ll do a blog on intimacy at some point. There probably are some articles that deal with intimacy and chronic illness, but I find it almost too difficult to even think about researching this topic. This is obviously a very personal part of chronic illness that I don’t think gets discussed very much. Partners also give up spontaneity, going out on date nights, and are often tired themselves from carrying an extra load. Just another reason to show them appreciation and shower them with hugs, kisses, and a “thank you” whenever we can.
Another excellent blog. Thank you, Roni
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Thank you, Melody! Yes talking about intimacy in a relationship is very difficult to do with strangers. It’s such a private part of our lives.
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Indeed. We choose to be public with so many parts of our health journey but there are still those places that are hard to go. ❤️
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