Not long ago I was invited to join a closed Facebook support group for Cluster Headaches. It is based in Norway, but of few of my US Facebook friends are members. The Admin knows I don’t have Cluster Headache, but I have a soft spot for those who do, and love to offer support, encouragement and inspiration. Clusters aren’t a migraine, they are a headache disorder and an extremely painful one! They also don’t mind if I ask them questions about Clusters, when I do, I always make sure to point out that I don’t have Clusters, but have Chronic Migraine.
Yesterday the Admin for this group, posted that she “was very sad, mostly because people so easily enjoy hurting others for no reason. We must never do it here in our group. We must be kind. It is key” This is a sentiment that I have heard or read, from other Admin’s and moderators of online Migraine Support Groups.
Nastiness, unkindness, anger, rudeness, these things should not be found in support groups. Let’s take a minute to think about what support means. Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines support as: (1) : to promote the interests or cause of (2) : to uphold or defend as valid or right : advocate a : to hold up or serve as a foundation or prop : to keep from fainting, yielding, or losing courage : comfort
Nowhere in that definition do you see the word unkind, what you do see is; promote the interests of a cause, in this case migraine, advocate, again migraine, to hold up, to keep from losing courage, comfort! Support in a nutshell!
If you do come across someone who is being unkind and nasty, don’t respond in kind. Kill them with kindness, be as kind and polite as possible, nothing shuts down a rant faster than kindness. Why? Because the person doesn’t know how to respond to it, they are expecting nastiness in return. Even if you have to grit your teeth while you do it, keep killing them with kindness. They won’t stay around long, their very nature can’t stand it. Or who knows, we might even convert them to kindness!
“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see” Mark Twain
Live with hope,