“Tell me who I’m talkin’ to
You’re like the night and day
And it’s hard to say
Which one is you.
Well, when Monday comes she’s Tuesday,
When Tuesday comes she’s Wednesday,
Into another day again
Her personality unwinds”
elvis2

Elvis has been a part of my life since I was born, seriously! My Mother really loved Elvis, they also share the same birthday, and I was born in 1964, right smack dab in the middle of the Elvis craze. I have one of his movies to thank for my first name. Though she always called me by my first and middle name, she named me after my maternal grandmother, she just added an E to it. Roni Anne, so I am an Ann with an E, like Anne of Green Gables, which is one of my favorite two-part movies. My entire family calls me Roni Anne, but in school and in the work place I always went by Roni. Having such a unique name can be cool, but it also can come with some rather embarrassing situations. For example in the sixth grade I was put in the boys gyms class, talk about humiliating! Now I can look back at it and laugh, not so much then.
When I was doing some research for this blog, I knew that I wanted to use Elvis and one of his song “blue” songs. I was amazed that he recorded eighteen songs with the word blue in the title. But “Moody Blue” fit my subject very well. 

blueheart2

I have struggled with depression off and on, ever since my migraine disease, changed from episodic to chronic. I also was diagnosed with two chronic pain conditions, not long afterwards, and wasn’t getting the help and support from my internal medicine doctor, that I needed. My husband had asked him if he thought a migraine specialist, such as Diamond Headache Clinic would help? He flat-out said no! For the pain of the fibromyalgia, his response was to take hot showers. Not very helpful, uh? Was I suppose to live in the shower? I ended up kicking his butt to the curb! I did eventually go the Diamond Headache Clinic, it was a six-hour trip one way, and a strain on our budget. But I finally started getting the proper migraine care I needed. 

If you remember in my last blog, I mentioned that in 2001, when all of this started, I contemplated suicide. Losing my job, the never-ending pain, an unsupportive doctor, our best friends moving away and our oldest son moving out on his own for the first time. I had also just had a Total Hysterectomy and we hadn’t found the right hormone replacement therapy. I sunk into a pit of despair and depression, if I wasn’t in bed, I was curled up in a ball on the couch. I also began to cut myself, god you don’t know how hard it is to say this. Because I’m very ashamed of it, this something most people do because of  mental pain. Where mine was due more, because of physical pain. I worked this all out with the psychiatrist and there has been no more of that behavior. I contemplated suicide, then I made a plan, in doing so, it scared me enough to reach out and seek help. I’m so very glad I did!! Please if you ever find yourself at this crossroads, seek help as I did, your life is too precious to end it. 

Sometimes depression is brought on by things that are happening in your life and when those things are righted, you no longer feel depressed. But then there is Clinical Depression, this kind of depression just doesn’t go away on its own. You need to see a professional and get started on an antidepressant. You will need to be patient with this process, sometimes the first medication you try may not work. Don’t ever, ever be ashamed to seek help for any mental health issue. Many of us with migraine, also have other comorbidities, which are chronic pain in nature. These feed into depression, as the lyrics say, “you’re like night and day, and it’s hard to say, which one is you”! Remember you are never ALONE. There is HOPE!

“Oh, Moody blue,
Tell me who I’m talkin’ to
You’re like the night and day
And it’s hard to say
Which one is you.”

Live with hope,
Roni

 

Songwriters: MARK JAMES