“When you have an invisible disease, your sickness isn’t your biggest problem. What you end up battling more than anything else, every single day, is other people.”
Heidi Cullinan 

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There is a Monster that lives inside of me, it cannot be seen, but can be felt. This Monster makes his presence known on his time schedule. He loves to come out when it rains, storms, snows or the barometric pressure changes. He can be sneaky and use other people and places as his emissary, too much perfume or strong smells, to let him in.

Make plans to go out with friends or family and the Monster is sure to show up to ruin those. Instead of having a good time, you find yourself lying in a dark room, curled in a fetal position, ice packs on your raging head, trying so very hard not to vomit. Can’t someone make the room stop spinning? My stomach is cramping so badly, diarrhea is not far away, the heating pad becomes my friend. Food does not. The Monster just laughs and laughs, for he is in charge right now. Sometimes the Monster stays in charge for days on end, they days turn into weeks, then into months and years. Before you realize it the Monster has stolen two years of your life. 

Life becomes almost unbearable, depression and anxiety become best friends with the Monster. They work together at making sure you don’t have any strength to fight back against the Monster. I begin to have nightmares about pain, awaking crying, screaming, punching and kicking. The Monster has taken over my waking and sleeping moments, there seems to be no escape.

Well meaning family and friends, make suggestions about cures that worked for their cousins, aunt by marriage twice removed, daughter. These just make me tired of having to explain there is no cure for the Monster.

When I think that I’m at the end of my rope and just can’t do this anymore, that I’m losing hope. One of my sweet friends will contact me, sending messages of hope, inspiration, support and love! These acts of kindness, caring and sharing, will take the sting out of the Monster. And renew my hope again. If you hadn’t already guessed the Monster has a name, Migraine. I will never stop fighting against it, nor will I ever let it steal two years of my life again! Migraine does not own me, it just happens to be a disease I was born with. I will continue to use everything available in my tool box, to live the best possible life with migraine that I can! As well as, being a source of support, encouragement, inspiration and hope, to my fellow migraine warriors.

“Step into my shoes follow my journey, my mountains, my valleys, my surprise potholes & if  you keep going the way, I keep going, perhaps you’ll understand my choices & strength.” ~ Karen Salmansohn

Live with hope,

Roni

 

 

Photo credit: Storyblocks